Love and Trust?
by LovelySilversky
Summary: A quick little GoldxSilver oneshot based off of  Draikinator from deviantART's Gold x Silver Doujin and "Hate" series C:


I hated him. He was my rival, and I hated him. I hated how he always got in my way, I hated how he tried to help him, and I hated how I always lost to him. Every single time. I hated how he told me I was wrong. I hated how he told me I needed love and trust. I hated how he was right.

I hated how he talked to me. I hated that sympathetic look in his eyes whenever he saw me. I hated **nice** he was to me, and to everyone for that matter, but especially to me. I hated that no matter how awful I was to him, he kept chasing after me. Kept trying to help me. Kept trying to be my friend.

I hated him. But he didn't hate me back. He **wouldn't** hate me back. No matter how much I pushed him away, no matter how much I insulted him, no matter… how much I wanted him to… Gold wouldn't hate me.

So I pitted myself against him. I demanded a battle every single time I saw him… even though I always lost. Every single time. I'd start swearing at him when he won. I'd tell him how useless he was. Told him that being nice to people would get him nowhere. Told him he'd just wind up used, hurt, and broken.

I told him I hated him. But he refused to say it back. He'd just look at me with those sad golden eyes of his and say "I'm sorry." He'd stand with me for a few minutes to see if I was okay… And then he'd leave with a stupid apologetic smile on his face.

He had no reason to feel sorry. Not even out of sympathy. He didn't know me. Didn't know where I came from or what I went through. He only knew bits and pieces, and the things he _did_ know were nowhere near good.

He had no right to be nice to me. Had no right to feel sorry for me. He should hate me. But he didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't. But he should.

I made it my goal to beat him. I needed to. I'd lost my dignity to him and I needed to win it back. It was the only think I had at that point.

I knew he was fighting to become champion, so I fought for that, too. I beat him to the league… And I lost. Lance told me something, then. Told me that if I really wanted to beat him, I'd need two things: trust… and love.

I think something inside of me cracked, then, although I didn't understand what it was at that time. I left without a word. I saw Gold entering as I left… and I bolted. I didn't want him to know that I lost. And I didn't want to stick around to see him win.

Because he _would_ win. He always won. And it wasn't fair.

A week later, I watched a rerun of his match with Lance on the TVs on display in a little shop in Goldenrod. I didn't want to see him win… But I wanted to watch in case he lost. But he didn't. He never did. He won. He was champion. The best.

…He'd won. I'd lost…

I understood what the crack was, then. It was realization. Realization that I could never be better than Gold. He would always be better than me, in every single way possible. I could never beat him. I could never beat anyone. I was useless. And I always would be.

I fled to Kanto, then. I needed to get away from Gold's fame. Needed to get away from the emptiness and hopelessness I felt. Needed to heal the crack… and start over. And I did. I started treating my Pokemon with love and trust. And it worked, in a way.

I felt myself growing stronger, going through Kanto, challenging the gyms there. I told myself I was happy with the path I was walking. But really… nothing had changed. I was still the same sad boy, desperate to find his purpose.

And slowly… that crack turned into a rift. But I went right on ignoring it. That's just the kind of person I was. I told myself I'd get better eventually. I would forget about Gold. I would live a happy life in Kanto. And I was, for a while. I felt myself getting better. Really, I did… But then Gold had to show up and ruin it all. Like he always did.

We battled, just like before. And he won. Again. Just like he always did.

I felt like all the progress I had made had been for nothing. All of these months training in Kanto… wasted. I felt myself losing it. Falling apart. I felt broken.

"Why?" I remembering whimpering the word as tears I had kept locked up for so many years finally broke free and trailed down my sickly pale face. "Why… do you always win?..."

Gold's eyes grew sad again. "I'm sorr-

"Stop it!" I screamed, finally snapping. "Stop saying you're sorry!" I sobbed. "I just don't get it! Why are you always apologizing? Why don't you hate me?"

Gold was silent for a moment or two before walking over to me… and embracing me in a hug.

He didn't say anything. Just hugged me.

I was shocked for a moment, but got over it pretty quick. It was just stupid Gold trying to be nice… right?

"Why?..." was all I said. All I _could_ say…

"You're not a bad person. I don't hate you." Gold replied in a soothing murmur.

I let myself sob on his shoulder. Why did he have to be so nice to me? _Why_? I **was** a bad person. Why did he refuse to hate me for it?

"But I am…" I whined after a while.

"You're not…" Gold insisted. "You're just lost. And maybe a little confused."

"But what…" I sniffed, slowly raising a hand to grip the back of his shirt. "What can I do? All your… stupid talk… about love… and trust… I tried. But I still can't win. And I still feel so… alone…"

I felt some more tears trickle down my face, and I hated it. I hated Gold for it. I hated him for being so goddamn understanding. And I hated myself for opening up to him like this.

Gold brought up a hand to gently stroke my hair. "You're applying it to Pokemon…" he murmured. "But are you applying it to people?"

"People…" I scowled, angrily tightening my grip on his shirt. "Why should I care about them? A lot _they've_ done for me! Why should I care about them, when they don't care about me?" I closed my eyes to stop another flow of tears, and gripped the back Gold's shirt with both of my hands. "I don't need them! I don't! I'm fine by myself! I don't need _anyone_! Especially not you!"

Gold sighed, but didn't say anything in response to my outburst. Just pulled me closer to him.

I debated pulling away from him. But I didn't. I couldn't at that point. "It's… not fair…" I continued in a whisper of a whine. "You… You have everything. A family… friends… and now you're the champion…"

"I know it's not fair, Silver…" Gold whispered. "You've been hurting. And I'm sorry."

"But it's… not your fault…" I admitted.

"Isn't it?..." Gold asked sadly.

"N-No… I-I just…" more tears. "It's… not your fault, I… I…"

We stood in silence for a while, and I suppose it would have looked pretty awkward. Two teenage boys clinging to each other in the middle of Mt. Moon.

"…I love you, Silver." Gold said after a while.

I didn't say anything for a while. I couldn't. I was too shocked. Had I heard him right? Did he say that he… no. It was impossible. Who would love a useless kid like me? Who…

Gold gave a little nervous chuckle after a few more minutes of silence. "Didja hear me, Silver?... I-I said I-

"I love you too!" I shouted, breaking out into another fit of tears and hugging Gold as tight as I possibly could. "I love you too, I love you too, I love you too…"

And I did.


End file.
